Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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