from now on my penis is your penis
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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