drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
3pm strippers are depressing
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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