Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
