It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
