I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
