After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
