She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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