just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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