meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I still have a little drunk in my system
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
