oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
