I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
