dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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