Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
