dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
