We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
