I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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