I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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