i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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