I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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