There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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