I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
