Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
