i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
