i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
