Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
