ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
