Whod you bang
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
