They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
