allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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