Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
