Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
