I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you win again, gameday.
He passed out mid-signature
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
