Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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