I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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