I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
