Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
