you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
