The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
