oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
