He is an equal opportunity slut.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
