I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
