i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
