he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
