A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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