I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize