That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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