I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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