Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
