if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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