I wish my penis had an off switch
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
