dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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