Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
