you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
