And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
