capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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