and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
