shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
