just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize