Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
