I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
