the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
