her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
