My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
