i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
