with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
