we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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