I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
