Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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