I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
