We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
