Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
