oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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