a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
