; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
