I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
