I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
