first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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