i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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