I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
