Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
