so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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