peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
