It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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