feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
