what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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