let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
