Soap is not a condiment
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
