so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize