The maid of honor just puked.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
