theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
